What do I want?

The article reminded me on my plans about changing the world and on those more practical ones about joining the diplomatic corps of this fucked republic, seeing the world and maybe later getting into a position where I can actually change something (didn't those guys and gals '68 say the same thing and didn't we shake heads???). I mean, I'd be good in that I suppose cos I'm good in languages, history, general education, politics, ethnology and stuff...

But what about punk? What about anarchism? What about "we vs. system"???

And what about music? I really love being in a band and doing the stuff we do... Could I do without? Wouldn't I explode for that too much of creativity inside??? Could i get along wearing suit and tie?

Other questions would be if I could pass the hard tests or if they do they really wanted someone that doesn't drink or smoke, is vegan and has a hc/punk/autonomous background like I have. But that's not the point. The point is that I thought about selling out once again. We all yell about changes so damn often but in most cases we keep hiding in our tiny subcultural caves. This is no offence I'm just thinking...

Would it be that bad if I was the first punkrock german ambassador in Ghana? Well I guess Ghane could live with that and maybe Germany could, too, but could I still call myself punk when I work for the gouvernment, for the same gouvernment that took part in the wars on Serbia and Afghanistan, that keeps redefining world war two as a dram in which the germans suffered the most, that strengthens the surveillance state in the name of the war on terrorism and that keeps fortifying fortress europe? This gouvernment is „the man“, it is capitalism, it is hierarchy, it is everything an anarchist should fight against!

It is so obvious that this capitalit system doesn't work. Today at work the customs destroyed dozens of mobile phones because they weren't duty paid. What a waste of energy and raw material! And this is exactly the system I would work for... But honestly: will anarchism clear the big problems of this world in near future? Will it feed the hungry, end the CO²-madness, end wars and the structural dependance of the so called third world, keep people in work, make illiteracy history, cure aids and cancer and parkinson, in one term make this world a better one?!? Well, it could... In our dreams and in our theories... But anarchy will not be the way of the world in the next fifty or hundred years and in fifty or hundred years a lot of problems will no longer be able to be solved (e.g. global warming, overpopulation)...

I really don't know which way to choose. Would it be that bad if the world as we know it went down the drain? That is a question a dear friend asked a few days ago. Good question! Bertold Brecht said, that who fights can loose, whos doen't fight has already lost. But what if loosing was the only way out of this mess??? If that was true helping to improve this system and make it last longer would be an unforgivable crime... But can it really be wrong to help little kids in africa not to starve and keep the rainforest preserved? That feels so terribly wrong but are feelings a good advisor in questions of such dimensions? Seems like the more I think the more questions arise and the less answers I have...

Can realism be a fault? Can dreaming be a crime? If we have no other world what can we do but change this one? Isn't capitalism the problem but the stupidity and the egoism of the broad mass of people? Do we need education and not revolution? Is anarchy just a word just a dream or a theory or are just the dimensions that I think in wrong? Maybe anarchism is no large scale theory, may it works best on a micro level, maybe it works only there. Maybe anarchy is simply turning a blind eye if possible and necessary. Maybe it is just common sense. Maybe it is just a state of mind...

I'll tell you when I found out. Please tell me if you do!

[jan]